#WhyIPMC guest blog by Sean Sullivan, 2-year Living Proof rider
This year I am riding the Pan-Mass Challenge because Dana-Farber saved my life. This will be my second time riding in this amazing event to raise money for Dana-Farber.
In December 2019, I was scheduled for a colonoscopy after experiencing minor symptoms. I remember waking up during the colonoscopy and being told they located a tumor in my rectum. Still in a daze after the colonoscopy, a doctor entered the room and told me he found a tumor he believed to be cancer. On December 5, 2019, I received a phone call stating that I had stage three colorectal cancer. My whole world changed in the blink of an eye, I was terrified, felt alone and my future seemed uncertain. One thing I knew for sure, I was going to kick cancer’s ass.
In 2020, I had approximately six surgeries. I also received a chemotherapy regimen consisted of 4 rounds of chemo followed by 28 days of radiation and then another 4 rounds of chemotherapy. My treatment course had several bumps along the way and ended 2020 with another urgent surgery. Finally on November 11,2020, I received the news every cancer patient waits to hear. I was NED meaning there was no evidence of disease. I was excited to move past my cancer diagnosis and to never look backwards. Unfortunately, I learned that my life after cancer can be just as difficult as the treatment I received. Most cancer survivors I talk to, deal with some of the same things I have had to work through the past several years. Whether it be constant anxiety of your cancer returning, depression, worry about your upcoming scans or blood work, recurring Doctor appointments or working through the daily side effects from the surgery you had. Life after cancer has definitely been challenging.
Last year, when I crossed the PMC finish line and took pictures with family and friends, I thought, if I had any ounce of
energy left in my body, I would have chucked my bicycle over the side cliff and never ride again. I was happy with completing the ride and was very proud of myself, it was truly one of the hardest thing I have done. I decided right then and there, I was one and done. Then on July 19, during my two-year cancer scan, my oncologist stated they found some spots on my liver. The spots were too tiny to determine if they were cancerous and I was told to wait three months and repeat the scans again. Waiting over those three months was extremely difficult both mentally and physically, I automatically assumed I now had stage four cancer. I developed bad anxiety and a little depression. All of the same emotions I felt during my initial diagnosis came right back. I told myself I did not have it in me to endure what I went through in 2020. I tried my best to think of everyone actively battling cancer, but at that moment I was angry that this disease would not go away and I couldn’t move forward with my life. I repeated the scans in October and was told the spots did not grow and were most likely not cancerous but we would continue to monitor them.
After a period of feeling sorry for myself and listening to my inner B****, I decided to have a positive outlook and not let my diagnosis control my life. That is why I think it is so important to ride the PMC again and continue raising money for Dana-Farber. All the money raised goes to Dana-Farber and for cancer research. I am not only raising money for my own continuous treatment, but for all those fighting this horrible disease daily. I especially want to ride for the survivors, people too often think your treatment is done and you can go back to normal. However, cancer survivors fight a daily battle and constant anxiety over this horrible disease returning. Hopefully, every dollar raised can one day end this disease and find a cure.
